Always and forever, "Thinking of Nikki".....I miss you!!!!

Greg, Scotty, and I had the good fortune to be dropping by with the engine Greg clinched the title with to give to Bob, and got to spend a little time around the fire.

A camp fire for my Nikki.
Posted 8 hours ago
I have been wanting to have a fire for Nikki, and tonight was the night. She so loved them, which is why we have a fire ring in our yard. Bob made it when we came home from the hospital in 2007, yet could not go camping. It was very nice with special friends and family. Sharing food, stories, and memories. I know I will always have questions, good and bad days, but atleast the good memories can bring a smile to my face. Taking one day at a time. Karen

THINKING OF NIKKI......ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!

Life is a roller coaster and I wish I could get off.
Posted 48 minutes ago
The week is turning out to be very emotional. My roller coaster started in 2007 and I guess it will never end now. I never liked roller coasters- that was Nikki who liked them. She liked all the rides, but I remember her favorite rides were the spinning cup type and the ferris wheel. I would ride the ferris wheel with her but she would have to hold MY hand. I loved holding her hand and she was helping me. I am glad to say that typing that just made me smile. That is something that I haven't really done this week as certain things have played tricks with my mind. I know everyone has there own roller coasters and just wish this world was different. Just too much bad news, too much sadness, and way to many hospitals and talk of cancer. My mom ended up in the hospital for a ruptured appendics. Something I thought I could deal with. Guess what? I can't and neither could Ashley. Too many bad memories of all the things Nikki and other kids have to go through. And for what? To not come home anyhow. Ashley cried when we left from our visit saying I miss mama. I think she was afraid she wouldn't come home either. Then all the talk about holidays. I want to just skip them all. For so many people (especially people affected by cancer) life as we knew it is gone and it will never come back. A piece of me has gone away with Nikki. I just think this world is so unfair. I am jealous of things, angry at things, and can't be as happy as I should be for other things. It is just unfair. Sorry for being so negative. I just wanted to get these things off my chest so I can breathe and try to move on. Thanks for listening. Maybe I should build a campfire everynight, because that gave me comfort. Something I haven't felt since the fire. FYI, the fire was still burning the next day. I took that as Nikki saying "I am still here mommy." As the tears roll down my face. I miss you Nikki. As I end, I hope that everyones roller coaster slows down once in awhile for us all to breathe. Karen

THINKING OF AND MISSING MY NIKKI...EVERYDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

I also HATE rollercoasters, but I am thankful that mine is small in comparision to most. Thanks Dear Lord, my hearts breaks reading this stuff. . . I wish there was something I could do.

Karen, I'm praying for you and Bob and Ashley, I to understand the roller coster ride and really could do with out them. You should continue to post your thoughts here if it helps. I just wish there was some way I could help ease your pain. Some times just sitting here typing your thoughts and feelings can do wonders to help with the pain. I'm sure everyone here feels the same way for you and your family. Always thinking of Niki
Craig

Man, if you don't get a tear on this one, I don't think I want to know you. How I wish I had more than words to offer for the Denikers.


Three months already. 11/18/09

Some days it feels like yesterday and other days it feels like forever. I sit and look at all the beautiful photos I have, and remember the good and bad times. Then reality hits me that I can't build anymore memories with Nikki. I can't share new smiles, hear her laugh, take her places, do crafts with her, basically I can't watch my daughter grow up into a beautiful women. All the fears I had about her growing up were just wasted time. I won't ever see her go to a school dance, graduate, get married, learn to drive or get her first purple jr. dragster. I just feel cheated of so many things. And yes, I know I have Ashley....I will cherish all that I do with her and I love her dearly. But how unfair to Ashley that she doesn't have Nikki to share things with. To teach her, play with, and yes even fight with. Isn't that what sisters are supposed to do? I would say, me and my girls... and so loved that. I love them both and always will. Our family chain is broken...and nothing is the same. Ashley is just wonderful. She can read my mood better than I can. Yesterday as I was getting dressed, she sat down on the floor and was very quiet. I sat down beside her and asked her what was wrong? She said, "I miss Nikki, don't you?" I said, yes and cried. She gave me a hug and sat with me. How precious and unfair all at the same time. Waiting for my day to go to heaven to again see my Nikki...God Bless and prayers to all those fighting a battle. And yes, my mom is doing fine. Karen

THINKING OF NIKKI....TODAY AND EVERYDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man o Man, Chuck. Yes, that definetly starts the waterworks.

Me too Chuck, I wish too!!

Same here Chuck, I just keep praying for the Denikers to have strength. We all need to keep praying for them. The power of prayer can be amassing some times. I know we don't always understand Gods will and why he allows these thing to happen, but he has a good reason for everything he does, and some day most of us will know it. Always remembering Nikki


Craig

Happy Birthday Karen! Have a wonderful day!!

Happy birthday Karen! Hey Bob, got a pic of the tshirts from Saturday???

Happy birthday, Karen!

Happy Birhtday Karen

Happy Birthday Karen!

When will it end?
Posted 11 hours ago
Today Bob and I lost a dear friend to cancer. It is just so unfair. I can not take it anymore. We will miss you Mark. Many of you may not know Mark, but I am sure you have seen his wife, Christine Brewer's name on the message board. She was/is Nikki's biggest fan and supporter. I know that Bob and I would have never made it through without Christine and I sure hope that we can help her and the rest of the family make it through as well. Please say a prayer for the Brewer family, who are part of our dragracing family and true friends for sometime now. All I can say is that I am sure that Mark is helping Nikki build her jr. dragster and we will all see it someday.
God speed...Mark and Nikki...
So, this past week has been a long one. As many of you know I survived my 40th birthday. The thing that I missed most was that I didn't get my homemade birthday card from Nikki. She always made the nicest cards for us and anyone who needed a card. Then with the help of my father-in-law and Cindy, and everyone there with us; Bob, Ashley, and I made it through Thanksgiving day. The first of many things without Nikki. I want to again say thank you to the ones out there that have been there for us. Who visit, call, and spend time with us. For the special friends and family that we see all the time and help us deal with the little things. THANK-YOU!!!
Tomorrow is the big day! Aunt Rain and I will be getting our tattoos. Christine was to join us, but under the current situation she will reschedule and I understand. I will have to post pictures of the many tattoos that friends and family have gotten to remember our Nikki.
Tonight I just ask God to help Bob and I get through yet another death. Cancer sucks! Karen

THINKING OF NIKKI AND MARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christine's post on Karen's update

Posted 19 hours ago
by Christine Brewer
Nikki,
Mark is not to good with crafting, but he does like to play "go fish" and he's just learning to play Wii. But I know if you show him how to do crafting I know he would like that very much. I want to tell you Nikki, that Mark wore his bracket final T-shirt with your "Thinking of Nikki" bear on it for all his testing, doctor visits, his day of surgery and he is wearing it now so he can show you how we all are "Thinking" about you and we will never forget you! Please show him around Heaven and have fun building your pink Jr. dragster. I know the both of you will wait for your daddy to start it!!!! I love you both very much!!!

Always, "Thinking of Nikki....and my Mark"..............

And I don't know if I've ever agreed more with a post anywhere, also taken from the latest update:

Posted Nov 28, 2009 12:45am
by Jen Walter
Foxtrot
Uniform
Charlie
Kilo
CANCER

Sorry guys, I read your posts all the time and every time I grab my daughter (JOSIE) and hug her. I know she has problems but thank god she is still here. I just wanted to invite all of you to her Facebook page. I hope seeing her doing a little better from all of your prayers maybe for a second takes some of the black cloud away enough to let the sun hit your face for a second. I prayed to god today that he would give us a break. For all of us... I've lost several friends in the last year and with Josie its been hard. Anyways just wanted to let all of you know i've been watching.


thinking of Nikki
Remebering Drew
(please god no more to add!)
thanks
Lou, Jean and Josie Greco