Whhewww...
God bless you...and i hope the playground turns out awesome and all the kids never forget Nikki.
Thinking of Nikki

Two months of sadness and pain.
Posted 12 minutes ago
So, yesterday was 2 months since my heart got a hole that nothing else will ever fill. I try everyday to remember that she is in a better place, yet my heart continues to ache and miss her so. Because of the long hospitalizations, Nikki and I had alot of one on one time that I will cherish, but it also makes it harder that she is not here. We were so close. Every room in my house has pictures and art projects that Nikki is in or made. As the holidays fastly approach I feel sad to have to do them without her by my side. She was my helper. I have two poems to share today. The first is from my friend Tania (Alyssa's mom) and the one I try hard to remember. The second is from Miss Watson and is mostly how I feel.

HER JOURNEY'S JUST BEGUN

Don't think of her as gone away-
Her journey's just begun,
Life holds so many facets-
This earth is only one.

Just think of her as resting
From the sorrows and the tears
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days and years.

Think how she must be wishing
That we could know today
How nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away.

And think of her as living
In the hearts of those she touched...
For nothing loved is ever lost-
And she was loved so much.

DON'T TELL ME

Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
Please don't tell me my daughter is in a better place,
Though it is true, I want her here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear her voice, see her face,
Beyond today I cannot see,
Don't tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot,
Don't tell me to face the fact she is gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop,
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more,
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child,
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while,
And please don't hesitate to say her name,
Because it is something I long to hear everyday,
Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.

So, as I continue to wish that this is all a bad dream, I try my best. I know I need to live for what is and not the what if's, but it is hard as the hole in my heart remains. There is just not a day that goes by that I think of things that Nikki never had the chance to do and it makes me cry. I know that Bob struggles too and we share many tearful moments together. It is just how it is now, whether we like it or not, and of course we don't. So, continue to hug and kiss your kids as much as you can each day. For we never know what life holds for us tomorrow. All I know is that I didn't stand in line and ask for the kid who was going to get cancer and neither did some of my friends. Thank you all so much for listening and letting me ramble as I update.

Thank you all for buying the wristbands and stickers. We still have more if you did not get yours yet so just let us know. Well, Ashley will be waking up from her nap soon so I will end now. Enjoy the warmer weather this week before it gets cold again and God Bless! Karen

Karen also added pictures, from the tree planting:

Ashley and Cameron (Nikki's best friend) by Nikki's tree.





And of Nikki's artwork. Pass the Kleenex please...

Nikki painted this 7-29-09. That day her hands had tremors and she was wearing an oxygen mask, but I think she did an awesome job and will cherish it forever.

Give us strength Nikki!

Thank you for sharing those pictures...

Thinking of Nikki

Got my Nikki wristbands today love em !!!

< !--graemlin::Praying:--> < !--graemlin::Praying:--> < !--graemlin::Angel:-->

I hate the word, "fever" and memories.
Posted 22 hours ago
When someone gets a fever for most it is just a normal part of being sick. But for myself and all the hospital families that I know it is way more than that. It means a trip to the hospital, if your not already there, blood cultures, antibiotics and a fear of the unknown. Well, last night at 2:30am Ashley asked me for a drink of water. I touched her and she was burning up. I know it is just a fever, but my heart breaks, aches and will always have the feelings that I had when Nikki would get a fever. Ashley seems alittle better this morning as I know viruses are everywhere right now. Unfortuneately for me it is just emotional right now and I hate it. So, today I will keep a close eye on Ashley and try to stop crying.

Nikki loved the holidays and Halloween. I remember each year what she dressed up as and wanted to share it with you. At a few months I dressed her up as a pumpkin and she cried everytime I put the hat on. Then a cowgirl outfit my mom made. It was very warm that year. Next, Dora the Explorer with a cute brown yarn wig. Then a cow. Not sure where that request came from but it took me awhile to find the costume and cowbell she wanted. That costume got stained with cheese curls. Then a black cat with a long tail that got longer as it was rainy and grew from dragging in the water. Finally she shared her choice with Ashley the last two years as giraffes and then witches. We never talked about this year, but my guess is that she is an angel with long curly hair. Ashley wants to be a Princess and that does not surprise me. Miss Watson sent me a very cute Halloween clip that you can copy and paste. Also she made the best jack-o-lantern that I ever saw that says, "NikNik" with a heart. Thanks for sharing Miss W. Not easy times without my Nikki. As all of the firsts without Nikki are hard.

Please say a little prayer for Ashley and our friends. Mark, Heather, Carson, Ben, Ryder, Katie, Jordan, all of the Carepage families, plus all the "Angels" and their families. Sure hope I didn't forget anyone and if so I am sorry. God Bless! Karen

THINKING OF NIKKI...ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: DragRaceResults,

The video link... the witch costume is the one she wore when she cast the spell to fix Greg's engine.

That was awesome !!

Happy Halloween Nikki, we miss you!!

Nikki is one beautiful Angel! Have fun NikNik!

God speed "Ben"!

Chuck and Christine check your PM's please. Thanks.

Those pics and vids were great. What a beautiful picture of Tinker Bell that is that Nikki painted. Makenzie loves Tinker Bell. Still praying for you Bob, Karen and Ashley. Think of you guys and Nikki each and every day.

This one is a rough one. Rest in peace Ben. I can't even imagine what the families go through.

"Cancer sucks!"
Posted 7 hours ago
It is not a good night for me. I am full of emotions and I just can't seem to pull myself together. I am just so tired of hearing about more kids that I know, and friends with their cancer stories. Stories of relapse, stories of failed treatment, stories of new hospitalizations/new diagnoses, and stories of kids losing the battle. This past week has been full of all of these things and the last one hurts me most. Little Ben relapsed shortly after Nikki did with leukemia, and he went to join her in heaven this week. My heart just goes out to his mom, Meg, because I know the sadness, emptiness, and pain she will now have in her life. It is just not fair. I just keep thinking about what I am supposed to do now. There has to be a reason/purpose that I have to go through this. I have a few ideas and vow that I will continue to work on them once I make it through yet another emotional week. It is like, just when I think I can do something...then I get hit with more bad news. It is not that I don't want to know, because I do. I need to help the ones who help me. It is just hard. The anger is back and I just want to scream.......I want to pray and get my faith back, but I just struggle with this. Does prayer work? And if you said yes, then why is Nikki in heaven instead of upstairs in her bed. If you can answer that then please come see me.

Ashley is better, so thank you all for your concerns and prayers. The fevers are gone and only the mild nasal congestion remains.

And here we are to Halloween weekend... I am sure I will get through on the outside. It is just the inside that is breaking. And thinking about Thanksgiving and Christmas just makes me feel like I am going to puke. I am trying to change the way we do things because they will never be the same. One day at a time.

And now another poem: *(From Nikki)

To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say.
But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven.
Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; Here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through.
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you.
It's good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, They'll be here later on.
I need you here badly, you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man."
God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years *(My mommy says, not enough years.)
Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry: it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.

If I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too;
That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain;
Then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."
And now I am contented....that my life was worthwhile.
Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile.*(So true!)
So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low;
Just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.
And when it's time for you to go....from that body to be free.
Remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me
Author unknown

*(I added a few notes, and I sure can't wait to see my Nikki again ...)

Well, enough for tonight. Please keep all the kids and my friend Mark in your thoughts tonight. Thanks and goodnight. Karen

THINKING OF NIKKI...ALWAYS AND FOREVER.....I MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting by - the best that I can.
Posted 15 hours ago
Hi everyone. Not much for me to say, but I wanted to thank everyone for the wonderful messages, poems and songs. They touch my heart and give me comfort, atleast for a little while. I am also reading The Shack and it is very good. I am trying my best again to take one day at a time. I made it through Halloween and Ben's funeral. Going to a childs funeral is never easy, but once you lose your own it is much worse. I just related to easily to everything that was said and it made my heart ache more for Nikki. Please say a prayer for Meg (Ben's mom) as she begins her changed life. The one without her precious son. This week I am also thinking of Sawyer and his wonderful family as Sawyers birthday is on the 7th. Happy Birthday Sawyer!!! I know that Nikki is planning the party with an appropriate theme. Nikki always had big birthday parties and so enjoyed them. Let me share with you her parties. When she turned one it was just the "1st" party with flowers, butterflies and lots of pink and balloons. Two was Barney. Three was The Wiggles. Four was a Dolphin theme. Five was Dora the Explorer (this party was very small due to her restrictions from her first transplant). Six was the biggest Mickey Mouse party ever. Seven was to be High School Musical but got cancelled by the transfer to the PICU. She had already decided that she was going to have a party at the Pottery Playhouse and then one at Chuck E Cheese. She loved to help plan the parties and also go to birthday parties. I will always miss my planning partner when Ashley's birthdays come around. Well, enough for today. I guess I better go make dinner. God Bless, Karen

Thinking of Nikki
I've just resently joined this site and have spent the las 5 hours reading ever post in this window. I am so saddened to read all I have red here today. I never met Nikki or her wonderful parents Bob and Karen. I can't even begin to imagine your pain and sorrow at the loss of your wonderful angel. I've cried her more today than I have in a long time for your loss. I see all the posts from all the concerned friends and fellow people in the racing community around the country. I resently lost my father and as hard as that was, he was given the chance to live a long and full life. I truely feel a loss here and I wish there was something I could do to make your pain go away. I'm not ever going to say I know what your going through, because I have no idea all I can say is I will pray for the Deniker family and I'll always give an ear to listen to your pain. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
Craig

Sorry for your loss, Craig. And I think we all know what you mean, how you feel.

Karen updated this afternoon... some good being spread around:

Feeling good about donations.
Posted 8 minutes ago
Ashley and I had an important mission this morning. As hard as it was, it felt very good to do something good for other kids who will too love and appreciate them. I am talking about stuffed animals. During Nikki's battle she collected quite the collection of stuffed animals and unfortuneately did not get to play with many of them. I am talking about alot of animals! As much as I wanted to keep all of the memories, I just had to let half of them go. Of course I kept her favorites, my favorites and Ashleys favorites. But with that being said, we dropped off 130 gently used animals to be given to kids during difficult times. I am sure Nikki will be watching as her gifts now go and give a smile to someone else. Special thanks to the State Trooper who helped me find them a home, Michelle - who took them today, and my sister for helping me pack them up last night. I know that they will now make others smile, just like each one made Nikki smile. She loved them all.

Also wanted to share that we raise almost $800.00 from the "Thinking of Nikki" wristbands. The playground at the race track will get the attention that it needs in the spring. THANK YOU all for your donations!!

Wow it is amazing the wide range of emotions you can feel all at one time reading this

Karen and Bob, I continue to pray for you during this very difficult time in your lives. I know we may never understand why God allows things to happen the way he does, But I am confident everything he does is for a very good reason. We can be confidant that some day most of us will be reunited with our loved ones. Not that it makes your loss any easier to accept now. I know your time you had with Nikki will never diminish in your hearts and minds. I just pray that God will give you both the strenght to accept his will and move on with life, but always thinking about your little angle Nikki.
Always thinking of Nikki
Craig