Karen updated the CarePage yesterday...

Summer time....
Posted 23 hours ago

Well, it is another summer without my Nikki and her birthday (I will be going to Pottery Playhouse again) and another year without her is fastly approaching. I still can't believe it. I guess because I don't want to believe it. I type today to mainly share a poem that my friend Sandy put on Nikki's FB page. Otherwise, the day sucks...my heart goes out to Carson's family as it is now a year that they have not been able to hold him. I sure hope that he and Nikki are playing together and doing well. Bob, Ashley and myself did make it to Hershey Park and Sesame Place and had a nice time. Ashley did get a fever and tonsilitis during the trip but we were prepared and she was a trooper. So I guess I can't put it off any longer and will get her tonsils out this summer. She was talking about Nikki the other day and Nikki's room so I asked her the question....do you feel closer to Nikki in her room?....she immediately said "no, it makes me sad that she is not here." I told her I agreed and held back the tears. Everyone please remember the THINKING OF NIKKI AND MARK day at PRP on Aug. 20th. So here is the poem.......

My angel, my baby
You were taken from me
How can I keep living?
What light can I see?
Your love was so precious
...Your years were too few
Our dreams and our plans
Were just coming true

They say I can do this
It only takes time
They say that one morning
I’ll wake up and find
My head is not spinning
My thoughts are more clear
I’ll tend to life’s duties
And feel your are near

It’s been awhile now
And still I feel no hope
I get through each day
And I still don’t know how
I’m living life blindly
With you on my mind
You’re my heart and my soul
Sweet angel of mine

I try not to be angry
I try not to be sad
But my heart is your heart
There’s no peace to be had
You’re a gift I was given
How was I to know
It was just for a short time
No…I can’t let you go
The tears I can’t hold back
The strength I can’t find
Please come back to me
Sweet angel of mine

There’s no rhyme and no reason
To my life anymore
My heart knows no season
My life has been torn
I read all the books
I reach for the wise
I cry oceans of tears
But my heart only sighs
For your soul is my soul
Sweet angel of mine

Why can’t I turn back
The pages of time?
Why can’t I just hold you
With no end in mind?

I pray everyday
But still I can’t do it
I can’t give you up…
I don’t think I’ll get through it
You’re my heart and my soul
Sweet angel of mine

It’s going to take
More than just time
Are you still here beside me?
Please give me a sign
I’m asking you now
Stay close by my side
Until I learn how to live
With only part of my soul
Until I can join you
And hold you once more

My love will not waiver
My love will not dim
One day again
Our voices will blend
Rest easy in God’s arms
Safe from all harm
Rest easy in God’s arms
Where you’ll know no more pain
You’re my heart and my soul
Sweet angel of mine
Until I can hold you
And be whole again

******THINKING OF NIKKI....ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!******

I don't know how, my prayers are with them.

Karen updated yesterday... we're coming up on 2 years...

So many events....
Posted 19 hours ago
Time keeps going as I am afraid I will forget...Please help me keep my Nikki alive at the Pottery PlayHouse on saturday Aug. 13th. Place open from 11a to 5p. I will get there around 1p to paint and do what Nikki LOVED to do. This is to remember her birthday (the 8th) which Nikki would be 9 and getting ready to go into 4th grade. Where is the time going....The event is not formal like last year and open to the public. If you can come and bring pictures or a story of Nikki that would be wonderful. Thanks in advance for your support.

Don't forget the other upcoming events that support pediatric cancer:
July 30th...Team Jillian Poker Run
Aug 14th...Carson's Poker Run
Aug 20th..Thinking of Nikki and Mark Day at PRP
Sept 10th...Gun Bash
Details listed on Nikki's Facebook page.

Foundation info: I did buy THINKING OF NIKKI.COM but need help to get it up and running. I have also been busy working on t-shirts for the foundation. When I get them done I will let everyone know so you can purchase one. Of course $$$ will be used to help families and kids. Next week I will be sending more gift cards down to CHP for the families. $100.00 a piece for either Sheetz or WalMart. I do this every few months. The BMT Breakfast Club continues every thursday morning on 9B. Currently getting RememBears made for a family and also sending money to families in need. I want to say THANK YOU for all of the support and checks that I still receive.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY today to Uncle Matt and sweet "Angel" Alyssa

I am asking for your thoughts and prayers...Ashley will be getting her tonsils out on Aug 11th. I know this is no big deal "normally" but it is for my family. I hope that I can be there emotionally for Ashley as I will be fighting back the emotions from my Nikki...

Until next time...hug those kids! Karen

***THINKING OF NIKKI...ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!***

Yesterday would have been Nikki's 9th birthday.

Karen updated Friday... great to hear Ashley had no problems getting her tonsils out. I'm bummed I wasn't able to make this past weekend's events, but will be at the track Saturday for PRP's memorial race for Nikki and Mark.

Thank you Nikki....
Posted Aug 12, 2011 10:59am
Just wanted to post to let everyone know that Ashley did GREAT yesterday with getting her tonsils and adnoids out. I believe that Nikki helped her and myself through.... The hardest part is trying to keep a 4 year old non-active. It is not working...haha. She also wants "real" food and no more soft stuff...haha. Drinkiing plenty of water and her favorite V8 juice. I might have had broken babies but I am so proud of both of them. My heros for being so brave!

It will be a busy weekend. Don't forget about the POTTERY PLAYHOUSE this saturday to honor and remember Nikki. The times are now limited to 12:30 to 3pm. I will still be there starting at 1pm. Hope you can make it. Saturday evening starting at 6pm is a benefit for CANCER FREE KIDZ at Pleasant Unity with the band Saddle Up. Come support a good cause. And then don't forget on sunday we will be on Carsons Bike Ride. Lets hope the weather holds out.

Ok, gotta go for now. Thanks for all the support and hugs to all..Karen

***THINKING OF NIKKI...ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!***

Pittsburgh Raceway Park is looking for the best chili and sloppy jo recipes! Mark’s favorite food was chili and Nikki’s was sloppy jos. If you think you have what it takes, whip-up your favorite dish and bring a batch to the second annual Thinking of Nikki & Mark Memorial Race on Saturday, August 20. The cook-off will happen at approximately 3 PM in the pavilion beside Carmen’s Café. First prize in each category is a chef hat, an apron that says “The cook is hot!", plulus a $50 gift card to a well-known restaurant, so you can have the day off from cooking! The prize for second place is also a $50 gift card. Karen Deniker and Christine Brewer will be judging along side a guest celebrity! Feel free to cook it the night before or at the track in your motor-home. Bring your tasty dish to the pavilion around 2:30 PM and register with Pamela. After the competition, if you choose, you may bring the rest of the food to the playground as we will be having a picnic.

There will be a ton going on this day…face painting, balloon art, bonus money for the racers, and more! Mark your calendars and heat up those crock pots!

I was just "Thinking of Nikki" on this anniversary of the day she went to be an angel. I went back and read many of the posts here including Christine's post on August 18, 2009 that our Nikki had gone to be with the angels. Just cried my eyes out reading all the beautiful thoughts and prayers. Nikki touched so, so many people. Thinking also today of Bob, Karen and Ashley as they continue to mourn and miss their angel. Love you guys! See everyone Saturday as we gather at PRP to race, fellowship and celebrate the lives of these wonderful friends.
Thinking of Nikki and Forever 53

Me too Amy.

I really admire Karen and Bob, for their strength to carry on. I wouldn't wish what they went through on my worst enemy. I thank them for sharing their journey, and all that they are doing to help others. Hugs and much love to the Denikers, and kisses to heaven.

It is times like this that I really wish I could put into words how I feel. I want you 3 to know how much I admire your strength, although you might not feel it we all sure see it everyday.... It is amazing, I know God will take you in his hands today, even more than everyday he does........

Couldn't find the right words to express how much Nikki means to me and how much she changed me, changed my heart....one day when I was visiting Nikki and Karen at CHP, we went for a walk with meds in tow and we ended up in the playroom. Karen had asked me if I could sit with Nikki while she got a well deserved massage from one of her friends, and of course I said yes. So Nikki and I began to make crafts and Nikki made a card for her grandma and pap. The bin with all the crafting supplies was across the room and everytime we needed something I would go and get it. Till finally I just pushed the big bin over to us. Nikki said that was a smart idea. I watched her work so intensely on this card and the pretty birds that she drew. She got frustrated because the one bird did not come out the way she wanted, but I told her the bird was beautiful just like she was! I could see that she was getting tired, but she didn't want to go back to her room till she finished that card. As she was drawing, Bob came up to the glass and was looking in. She didn't see him at first, but boy when she notice her Daddy looking in, her face lit up like fireworks! Nikki was so excited to see her Daddy and she couldn't wait to show him the card. She loves her Daddy. I sat for a while and just watched her. Right then I knew I had a friend for life! An Angel, never to be forgotten......always, "Thinking of Nikki".....

Yesterday was awesome. There were some tears as we remembered Nikki and Mark, but there were many more smiles and laughs. Lots of class acts, with racers giving to the Thinking of Nikki Foundation, track owner Michael Tedesco donating $1,000, and the concession stand workers donating their tips to the Foundation.

Thanks to Amber Powell for taking pics for me.

Bob's Camaro and Christine's Mustang up on the line.



Balloons



Bob and Christine down track

Karen updated the CarePage this morning.

Bitter sweet.....
Posted 1 minute ago
Everything is so bitter sweet in my life now. This morning Bob and I took Ashley to her first day of Pre-K. She will be going M-W-F from 9a to 3p. Want to get her ready for the full day of kindergarten next year. She was very excited to go after mondays open house visit. Also excited to show everyone she got her ears pierced yesterday. A definite diva! She attempted to get them pierced once before but got scared. Yesterday she was determined and so one ear at a time she got it done. Not one tear and when it was done the biggest smile I have ever seen. She didnt even want the lollipop...haha. So as you can figure even this story is bitter sweet. Sweet to see Ash grow up and be so brave yet bitter that her big sister wasnt here to share or get her ears pierced....

So since my last post alot has gone on. Nikki's day at the Pottery Playhouse was wonderful. It was so nice to see people still coming to remember Nikki and share in a craft she loved. We actually had more people this year than last, so THANK YOU! I painted a sunshine this year since Nik will always and forever be my sunshine.

The Cancer Free Kidz benefit and Carson's Superman Bike ride were also a success and it was nice to be a part of them. Again, how bitter sweet to go and talk to "cancer Mom's" as we say. I know all of us would give up the benefits and Foundations to have our child back or to never have entered the cancer world...

We hit Nikki's two year "ANGELversary" on the 18th and I can't believe it. I shed alot of tears that day. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, cards and gifts. Knowing I am loved and not alone helps...at least for alittle while.

The THINKING OF NIKKI AND MARK DAY at PRP was absolutely amazing!!! A beautiful weather day, lots of activites, and lots of friends and family. The Foundation raised just alittle under $6000.00 that day. From drivers donating there winnings, 50/50 ticket sells, t-shirt sells, private donations and even tips being donated....it was amazing and I can't thank everyone enough. THANK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!! Here is a link to some pics from that day from PRP's site,(click on the Aug 20th day)
http://www.pittsburghracewaypark.com/gallery

As some of you know my sister, myself and Ashley headed to Ocean City on the 24th just to get evacuated the 26th. VERY short beach vacation but the time there was fun and we made the best of it. Boooo

So the next event is the GUN BASH on Sept 10th. Tickets remain sold out but we are still looking for donations if you can help. In need of tables, chairs, baskets for the Chinese Auction, and cases of pop or water. Please contact me if you can help in anyway. THANKS in advance.

I also want to share one final event that The Foundation is donating to. It is called CureSearch. CureSearch for Children’s Cancer is a national non-profit foundation whose mission is to fund and support children’s cancer research and provide information and resources to all those affected by children’s cancer. CureSearch raises funds for promising research conducted at more than 175 hospitals across the nation. These hospitals participate in National Cancer Institute sponsored clinical trials conducted by the Children’s Oncology Group. Childrens Hospital of Pitts. participates in this group.
CureSearch also manages the operations center of the Children’s Oncology Group, the largest cooperative research entity in the world. With more than 6,500 physicians, nurses and other researchers, COG member hospitals treat 90% of children in the United States with cancer.
This year we are having a walk in Highland Park to raise money for research on Oct 22nd. Please check out my link and walk with me.....
http://www.curesearchwalk.org/...urgh/thinkingofnikki

So as I try my best to help kids and families dealing with pediatric cancer it still stinks....Stinks that I didn't get to watch Nikki get on the school bus again this year and never will. It is all so bitter sweet...I am very happy to help but would give it all up for one hug from my Nikki. Karen

***THINKING OF NIKKI...ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!***

Karen is truley an amazing woman!!!!

Karen updated last night with a reminder...

Don't forget...
Posted 20 hours ago
SEPTEMBER IS CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS MONTH

Please hang a gold ribbon or balloon for all the kids....Did you know.....While great progress has been made in the fight against children’s cancer, it remains the leading cause of death by disease. 36 children are diagnosed with cancer every day. 1 out 5 of these children will lose his or her battle with cancer, and of those who do survive, 60% will experience significant, sometimes life threatening, long-term side effects. The facts all suck. Don't forget the kids......Thanks!

***THINKING OF NIKKI AND ALL THE KIDS....ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!***

Karen updated this morning...

A POEM.....
Posted 19 minutes ago
I belong to a special group of women.

My friends and I have an amazing bond.

We never wanted to be in this group.

Yet we are in it, for life.

Maybe we have met, maybe we haven't

Yet our love for each other is boundless.

We know the pain the other one feels,

And we share our victories small or huge,

Words like chemo, IV, Zofran, bald heads

Are always a part of our conversations,

As well as roidrage, tears and meltdowns

We always know where the closest puke bucket is,

We can hold it in one hand if necessary

Swallow a sandwich that the other hand is holding.

We can drive to the hospital,

Park in the dark parking garage,

Make our way through the halls of the hospital

And to the appropriate floor,

Settle in a room, turn the TV on,

Give instructions to the head nurse,

Silence loud beeping IV pumps,

Direct a wagon AND and IV pole

To the playroom without hitting anything

Make our way back to the correct room

And all this, mind you,

With our eyes closed at any given time

We know how to draw blood from lines.

Sticking out of little kids chests

We can hold them down with one hand,

While a nasogastric tube is inserted in their little nose,

And be on the phone with their dad's at the same time.

We can live for days on hospital food,

And on maybe only one meal a day.

We know the names of up to 20 different drugs,

Their purpose, dosage and time to be taken.

We are always on call, 24 hours a day,

Seven days a week.

We are used to not always looking our best,

Hard to do with only a few hours of sleep.

Make-up, hair styling, skirts are words of the past.

We have become addicted to texting at the hospital, clinic, home, wherever.

We talk sometimes at all hours of the night,

We know we can count on someone to be up.

Then for one of us, the world stops.

She has to walk away, broken.

This job is over.

The job is over, but the fight is on.

Remember, I said we were in this forever.

We are friends, sisters, temporary nurses.

We are each others rock, each others punching bag.

We listen, we vent, we cry, we laugh together.

We share our lives and our deaths

We share our pain and our victories.

We are strong but not by choice.

Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose,

But never are we defeated.

We are not nurses,

We are not doctors,

We are Cancer Moms...

Karen's post from last night...

People ask me......
Posted 19 hours ago
WHY BUTTERFLIES.....??????????

Since the early centuries, the butterfly symbolized the resurrection and the life after death. The caterpiller signifies life here on earth: the cocoon, death: and the butterfly the emergence of the dead into a new, beautiful, and more free existence. Frequently the butterfly is seen with the word, "Nika", which means victory. Nicole also means victory.

Compassionate Friends has adopted the butterfly as one of its symbols - a sign of hope to us that our children are living in another dimension with greater beauty and freedom - a comforting thought to many.

Also ironic that when I got a tattoo with Nikki's name (shortly after she was born)....guess what it was?....yep, a butterfly. ♥

****THINKING OF NIKKI...ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!****

Karen posted up some pics from PRP's memorial race for Nikki and Mark, good stuff!

New photos...
Posted 21 hours ago
Check out the new pics from PRPs Nikki and Mark Day. I will get pics from the Gun Bash and an update on soon. Hugs to all!

***THINKING OF NIKKI...ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!***

I don't know how this didn't get my attention till now but I just read all 33 pages. I have no tears left.
RIP Nikki.

Karen updated the CarePage today. I continue to be in awe of her, Bob's, and Ashley's strength, and I'm proud to call them friends.


Where is the time going...
Posted 1 hour ago
I can't believe how long it has been since my last update. Alot has happened and yet nothing. Living day by day and dealing with my struggles. A new therapist is helping me with the guilt and anger that I hide inside. Working for the Westmoreland I.U. has been a good thing. Even though Ashley tells me not to go to work. We had a funeral and a wedding in october...emotional days. Bob had a great weekend at PRP with 2 wins! VERY emotional for Bob since Nikki wasnt there to share. I know she was there and very proud of her daddy. Then Halloween...Ashley was a beautiful bumble bee and I know Nik was an angel....
As far as events the GUN BASH was a success. Then we had the CureSearch walk. Most recently Youngstown Social Club had guest bartendars who donated all their tips to the Foundation....$1000.00! Awesome!!!!!!
I have continued to send $100 gift cards to 9B social worker for the families. The BMT families continue to get breakfast on 9B at CHP. And I have been very active with sending monetary gifts to local families who are dealing with pediactric cancer. Trying to give them a better Thanksgiving and Christmas. Holidays are crazy enough let alone having to make trips to the hospital or even be in the hospital. Again, if you know a family dealing with pediatric cancer that can use the Foundations help, please let me know. I again need to send out a huge THANK YOU for all the support to Nikki's Foundation. I have never had to say no to a family because of lack of funds. The fact that people come to me with ideas and events is so special. Knowing that no one has forgotten my Nikki warms my heart. I still struggle everyday because she is not here with us. I miss her so much and see how much Ashley misses her to. Ashley talks and asks questions all the time now. I just hope that someday soon Bob and I will be able to adopt an older child so Ashley is not alone all the time. Before someone takes that statement the wrong way I will clarify, I just mean for her to have a brother or sister again that doesnt live in HEAVEN. Now is just not the time...Nikki's room is still Nikki's room and we just arent ready yet. I guess we never know what tomorrow brings...one day at a time. I will end now because I am starting to cry for my Nikki...I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Just an fyi...I am finally getting close to getting a webpage started. I will keep everyone informed when it happens.
Karen

***THINKING OF NIKKI...ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!***

If you're not on the CarePage, here are a couple of pics from the Memorial Race for Nikki and Mark.

I love Ashley's focus!!



Karen in the moms in juniors race: