My list of the biggest lies in America:

The check is in the mail.
I love you.
You can keep your own doctor.
It's just a temporary tax.
The extra penny sales tax will go to teacher's salaries.
I used to masturbate, but I quit.
I promise not to *** in your mouth.
You'll get your own deer back.
Both lanes have the exact same rollout.
"Spot-Free Rinse"
You can't miss it.
Honest-- it's just a cold sore.
Relax, you can't get pregnant this way.
I only had one drink.
More gun laws equal less crime.
We're not going to take your guns away.
No one needs an "assault rifle".
The caravan of refugees is stopping in Mexico and staying there.
If you talk to us, we'll see that the judge and State's attorney give you a better deal.
We have our southern border under control.

And my all-time favorite:
"Our slicks require little to no burnout".