A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot.

The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?"The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please.

The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had.

The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?"The man answered "oh, about 164."

The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity', 'inter-stellar space travel', 'the latest medical break throughs', etc.......

The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact.

He returned and took a seat.
Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A Martini please."Again it was superb.

The robot again asked "what is your IQ sir?"This time the man answered, "Oh about 100". So the robot started discussing Nascar racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend.

The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool.... Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"??This time the man drawled out "Uh..... bout 50".
The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked,...................

"A-r-e? y-o-u-r? p-e-o-p-l-e??? h-a-p-p-y? w-i-t-h O-B-A-M-A??

Superman, Cinderella & Pinochio were walking along the street & came upon a sign hanging in a window that said
"BEAUTY CONTEST inside". Cinderella said "I think I will go in & check it out". In a short while she came out wearing a crown & holding a dosen red roses. Superman asked, did you win? Pinochio said, was there any dought?
Walking further along they came upon another sign saying, STRONGMAN contest. Well Superman says, I think I will go in & check it out. After awhile he comes out with a big trophy. Pinochio says, you won? Cinderella says, Was there any dought? They continued their walk & came upon another sign that said, LIARS contest. Well Pinochio says< I think I will go check it out. In a little while Pinochio came out, Head hanging, frowning, shacking his head. Muttering Who the Heck is Nancy Pelosi & Brack O'bama!!!!

OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and
dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is
warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter,
so he dies out in the cold.


MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and
dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and
starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of
the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his
comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is
stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this
poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so ?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and
everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the
ant's house where the news stations film the group
singing, 'We shall overcome.' Jesse then has the
group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's
sake.

Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with
Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the
ant to make him pay his fair share.

Hillary and Barack go on national television agreeing that
the plight of the grasshopper is the fault of George Bush.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity &
Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the
summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number
of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his
retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the
government.

Obama gets his old law firm to represent the grasshopper in
a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried
before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton
appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the
last bits of the ant's food while the government house
he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house,
crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident
and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of
spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.